Words cannot even describe how frustrating and annoying it is to wait. Being as impatient is I am, it’ 3 times as worse. I’ll literally drive my self crazy because I absolutely hate waiting for people. One of the worst things to wait for are things that take time. And I’m not talking about a few hours of time. I mean weeks, maybe months, could be even years waiting on someone. Giving something time to happen rather than just jumping on it and trying to make it happen quicker takes self restraint and ALOT of patience, patience that I’m not even sure I’ll have. It’s especially really annoying when that person has already given you a taste of what they’ve got and then they make you wait for them. Meanwhile, they are still figuring out what they want to do with their life and you’re teetering back and forth in a corner like a freaking addict. This is something called feening.
Lord, how I’ve feened for this person. Ever since he gave me a dose of himself, I’ve been a junky. I will really go out of my way so that I can get that feeling again. That feeling that he gave to me that I haven’t felt in so long. I miss that feeling. That feeling makes me feel warm and loved inside. It makes me feel special. Makes me wanna jump through hoops and hike the tallest mountain so that I can get that feeling back. For just a moment I thought that I had found my true love. I thought this kind of person was only found in movies.
People always know me as being melo-dramatic. I freak out over things that in the end are usually never that serious. But as of now I am stressing. I’m stressing, feening, craving, STARVING! All for just the attention of one boy. Yes, a boy. But only this boy is one of a kind. He knows what he wants in a girl already and he’s only 14. He’s younger than me but he is just so mature and physically developed that you wouldn’t even think he’s as young as he is. He is such a gentlemen and he’s a mamas boy. Maaaaan, I have never met a dude that loves and appreciates his mama like he does. I don’t meet a lot of dudes like that. I’ve never had a dude hold the door for me, lend me their hand to stand up, let me walk in front of them, buy me clothes, pay for my food, listen to me, look me in the eyes when I’m talking, give me their jacket when I’m cold. I mean, he’s done so many things and it’s not like he was just trying to impress me. That is how he is with girls all the time. He respects women. This doesn’t mean he is a punk though, he will whoop your ass if you push him. He’s not soft, just kind and gentle. He not just gon let a girl (or anybody really) walk all over him. He is just, perfect in every thinkable way. Yes, he has flaws but I feel like his imperfections only make him more perfect. The fact that he’s really attractive puts the icing on the cake. Usually when I think boys are attractive, they think they are too and they be feelin
themselves and be the biggest douche bags. But this dude is nothing like that. He’s looking for a girl to treat him like a king, and he wants to treat his girl like a queen. Put her on a pedestal, buy her chocolates and take care of her when she’s on her period, buy flowers for her. He’s so sweet it almost makes me uncomfortable because like I said, nobody has ever done anything like that with me. You don’t have to ask him to do these things because he just knows to do them. That’s all I really want in life right now is someone that I can take care of that will always take care of me and love me. I want a high school sweetheart dammit. I want someone that I can grow with and that can make me better. I want to love someone again! Or maybe not again.. whatever I don’t care I want love 🙂
Now the problem here is that he has a girl. After he done junked me up and fed me all these potions he has a freaking girl. What the hell. This is the part where the glass shatters in movies and the record stops playing and the petite lady playing the harp has a stroke and the town is burning down and all hell breaks loose. Everything up until this point was going so well. I thought this would be my mans. Hell nah. I swear on everything I’m my own cock blocker. He thought that I like his friend. He told his mom that I kept babbling about his friend and I didn’t even realize I was doing that. All of a sudden he falls back and gives the other girl a chance and I’m sitting here like a hopeless addict. Oh how I wish that I wouldn’t have blown it. For some reason I always feel the need to talk about other boys in front of other boys. And my dumbass will just never get it! Now I’m mad at my decisions and I wish that I would have just shown that I ONLY had interest in him because no boy is gonna wanna hear that the girl he likes finds someone else attractive or interesting.
Because of my carelessness and inability to think about how my words are going to sink in with others, I am now receiving no type of attention at all and it is super frustrating to know that another girl is getting the attention that is supposed to be MINE! Ugh! wlngfsbgjkfghnbfdmv. His mom is telling me to stop stressing and looking for his attention. She said that I should work on building a friendship with him first so that no girl or boy could really ever come between that. She also said that we always find what we’ve been trying so hard to look for when we stop looking for it. When we go crazy looking for the remote, we always find it when we aren’t looking for it. But damn, like forreal? Now I have to freaking wait for them to breakup and then wait some more for him to get over her after they break up?! The only time he will break up with her is if she messes up and from the looks of it, shawty not goin nowhere. Is he worth the wait? Hell yea? Do I have the patience? Nah. But I’ma just tough it out because I really want him and I truly do believe he is one of a kind. I would be a homewrecker but he don’t like crazy girls. Wonder how that will work out because I’m one of the crazy ones. lol but for all I know right now, he’s winning! 🙂